Monday, November 24, 2014

Kryptonite




I saw this commercial in which a father and daughter have differing ideas of what is appropriate attire for school.  Now, your mind probably went to short, tight skirts, and midriff tops, but actually, it was a little girl. She wanted to wear a princess dress, wings, a wand, and a crown.  He wanted her to wear something more...normal.  What would you do in this situation?

I'm a firm believer in allowing my children to express themselves...to an extent. I have let them put crazy colors in their hair (clip ins or colored gel that washes right out), I let them pick out their own clothes (although I did limit sweats to P.E. days only, after watching dirty sweats walk out the door one too many times), and I let them choose their own "style". I don't force my style on them. As long as their "style" isn't MY opinion of inappropriate. By this, I usually mean too tight, too short, too small, or too dirty (which is usually the reason I have to step in).



My son, Super Kyan, wore Superhero costumes, almost exclusively, from the ages of 2-6.  I'm afraid I started this trend when, at 2, I bought him a pair of Batman pajamas, and a pair of Superman pajamas, with attached capes. He wore them every day. He wore them everywhere. I had no problem with this. No one ever came up to me, and expressed concern about my parenting skills in allowing my child to wear jammies in public. You know there are people like that out there, I have met them, just not for this. I had to repurchase these jammies every time he started to outgrow them.

Then came Halloween. Super Kyan was Spiderman. Now he had a costume to throw into the rotation. Again, I let him. In fact, one birthday, all we bought him were costumes. I now had Superman, Batman, Wolverine, Alien-infected Spiderman, regular Spiderman, and Captain America to accompany me on my errands.

Then came Kindergarten. He couldn't wear the costumes to school. Some silly policy about costumes being distracting or something.  We got around this a little bit by purchasing sweatshirts that zip over the face, in an almost costume. He wasn't allowed to wear the hood in school, but it was something. He would then come straight home, and pick a costume to wear. We had a running joke between us. Everyday, I'd ask, "Who's the Superhero of the day?" He'd then show me whichever Superhero was on his shirt, then that was the costume he'd put on when he got home from school.

Super Kyan is 9 now. He still wears costumes all the time. He has his Ironman costume sweatshirt. He has a Batman backpack with attached hood and utility belt. Superhero shirts still outnumber any other shirts in his closet. He almost never wears his costumes in public anymore. He rarely wears the hood on his Batman backpack. He sometimes takes off the utility belt, and occasionally leaves the backpack home altogether, in favor of a plain black one. When I ask, he replies that he gets picked on. At 9!

Some may say he's growing up, and losing interest, but I know my son. He bought himself a new Superman costume with his Birthday money last year, then wore it the rest of the day, in public. His walls are covered in Superhero posters, and his room is still filled with Superhero toys. He still loves all things Superhero. I try to tell him to ignore the taunts, to not care about anyone else's opinion, but that's easier said than done. So what do you do? I don't want my baby to be picked on, but I don't want him to succumb to pressure, and conform either.



So what did I do? I bought a Superhero shirt with attached cape, and wore it...in public. He's only 9. He has years to conform. I think it is perfectly acceptable to wear what makes you happy. Life is too short to dress or be like everyone else. Enjoy life. Wear a cape, as long as it doesn't prevent you from living a productive life. Maybe one day, he'll open a Superhero theme park, and get to wear costumes to work every day. Or maybe the Superhero posters will come down, and be replaced with cars, or women, or bands. For now, I'm going to enjoy my little Superhero, keep taking him to Comic-Con (in costume), and wear costumes in public. It makes both of us happy, and that's what matters.


Friday, November 14, 2014

Run The World, Girls!


I wouldn't normally consider myself a feminist. I have always been fairly self involved about women's rights. If something was in the news, or on Facebook, showing inequality, I would get dutifully outraged, share, then move on. I have always felt that I should be a strong woman, and rise above the sexism myself for myself. I experienced a lot of sexism in the Navy, and I did everything I could to shoot it down, and prove myself just as good as any man. I've felt that as long as I proved myself equal, I was equal.

I have a daughter now. It's amazing how much everything about you changes the moment you become a mother. Although the way I treated inequality wasn't necessarily wrong, it wasn't enough. I don't think I have made enough change in the world for my daughter. She is amazing! She has had high aspirations for herself since she could talk. She never wanted to be a model, or actress, or anything based on her appearance. She, along with every other double x chromosome, deserve to grow up in a world where they are treated equal to everyone with a y chromosome.

Today while searching for images showing strong and/or powerful girls, to be put on our Facebook page, for International Girls Day, I was bombarded with images of half-naked women. While I, personally, don't have an issue with women showing off their bodies, I wasn't prepared for being unable to find much of anything that shows girls being amazing. Girls ARE amazing! Why was it so hard for me to find proof of this in image form.

I need to do more. Women need to do more. We need to stop tearing each other down. We need to be proud of each other's achievements. Too much stress is put on our clothing. What we wear (or don't) is not what we need to focus on. The focus needs to shift, from our appearance to equality. A woman wearing skimpy clothing deserves just as many rights as a man in a suit. If we stopped criticizing each other, we could team up on the men criticizing us. Let us stop pointing out what WE are doing wrong, and start pointing out what MEN are doing wrong.

Together we can rule the world!